# 10. You can use it to wash your girlfriend.

What lady needs a dirty loofah when you have your squeaky clean and adorable, bearded face? Even if she isn't your girlfriend, you can still offer a good scrubbing. Hell, I would go as far as using it to meet people. "Oh, hello there, woman-minding-her-own-business-at-the-public-pool-shower. Fancy a tickling and refreshing scrub down?"

Be economic in these times and invite all your lady friends over for a good washing. In these times of need, we must conserve water and other shower-related precious resources such as the loofah.




# 9 - 1 were omitted because while writing this, I accidentally convinced myself to grow a beard prematurely. So strong was my argument, that I could not hold back any longer- and decided to begin bearded life, practically mid-sentence.

If you are somehow unlike me and have decided to stay clean-shaven, read number 10 again, nine more times.